I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
