some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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