I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
