You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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