my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
