when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize