just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
