it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
