Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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