i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
