last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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