We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
