I'm pants shitting drunk right now
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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