He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
