Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
