walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
