We're facebook friends in real life
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
