you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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