I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Boobs speak an international language.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
