i love accidental penises.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
