Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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