God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
