Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
