Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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