The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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