i was born a porn star she said
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
