The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Be still, my beating vagina.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I sprained my soul last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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