Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
