Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
