im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
As shirtless as possible
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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