Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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