he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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