You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
