bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
