I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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