New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
