I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
