And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
one might say we're banned from that church
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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