He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
