Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
