did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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