he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
