Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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