Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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