Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
