Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
