I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
