I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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