Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
