How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
