I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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