first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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