He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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