I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
