there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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