I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
