and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize