I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
