I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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