I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
