I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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