If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
