So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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