im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
