i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
