I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
