it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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